Bachelor Recap: Week 7

It’s week 7, or as I like to call it: The Week of Blindsides

Everybody’s bloody blindsided on this show this week, so let’s find out why.

WEDNESDAY

Sister wives group date where they test ~chemistry~
This date was all about awkward hugs, weird staring competitions and the chance to watch your boyfriend embrace his four other girlfriends on a small screen.

But they had a ~professional sexologist~ there so it made things more legitimate.

This date was just a bit bizarre, who can stare into another person’s eyes for four minutes without breaking a massive sweat or laughing, or both? It made me uncomfortable, and I was just in my trackies at home.

Elly wins the stare-off, gets one on one time with Bachie
Despite Abbie’s butt-grabbing and lip-biting behaviour in the chemistry test, Elly managed to score the alone time with Matt.

But ranting about Abbie at a pivotal moment for a ~connection~ left Elly sounding less like a concerned love interest, and more like this:

tumblr_mhwd3pNEPv1r60h6bo2_250

Abbie gets a single date so Matt can make out with her find out if she’s genuine
Let’s go on a date where we fake move into a fake house that is already fake furnished except for the fake bed that we can put together.

Suggestive much?

Later, by the cheese and wine table, Matt gives a very half-assed attempt at questioning Abbie’s intentions to which she puts on the performance of her life.

Someone get this woman to Summer Bay. Abbie is blindsided by this accusation. She doesn’t even like instagram, you guys. Seriously. My favourite part of this was watching Abbie try to fake cry. We’ve all been there, love.

Bachie fake cry
‘Maybe if I pinch really hard they’ll start watering’

Abbie stays and Elly gets the boot
It’s Elly’s turn to be blindsided. In fact, all the girls cop it a little bit. The Favourite is gone. Everyone’s sad. Abbie is stoked. The end.

THURSDAY: IT’S HOMETOWNS!

Abbie’s hometown visit to Brisbane
These two are actually starting to make me throw up a little in my mouth when they’re together.

Their one on one time before meeting the family is basically reaching third base in a public rooftop pool while two poor ladies watch on.

The family time is fine. There’s no real grilling except from Uncle Rob, who asks Bachie ‘what makes you so special then?’ – and I mean, how are you supposed to answer that?

Bachie gives some well-worded diplomatic answer that he’s had epic training for, and order is restored. Snore, next.

Chelsie’s hometown visit to Melbourne
Chelsie and Matt go to a pub for Sunday sippers before meeting the parents and what more could you want really?

Although I like Chelsie, I am highly skeptical that her parents live at their ‘house’ – it’s far too clean and neat. Apart from that her parents are lovely, her sister is a little scary, but all round this is a very ‘normal’ dinner-at-the-in-laws.

Chelsie tries to tell Bachie she’s falling in love with him, but through her discernible mumble I think she chickened out. It’s hard to tell. The girl is smart but her enunciation could do with some improvement if she’s going to be hosting a kids science show.

Emma’s hometown visit to Sydney
Jeez this is turning out to be a Bachie Roadshow, hope he’s topped up his frequent flyers with all this interstate travel.

Anyway, we arrive in Sydney to meet Emma and her doggos. Since Emma is Irish, we won’t be meeting her family, but we will be meeting her bestie…and some other guy who’s there just to add numbers.

Emma tells her friend that she is already in love with Matt and her friend’s reaction is the same as all of us:

You’ve had two dates?

It’s pretty clear from this experience that Emma has the accelerator on and Bachie is pumping the breaks, hard.

Helena’s hometown visit to Adelaide
HOOO BOY.

Where to begin with this nugget.

The writing was on the wall the minute Matt tried to talk footy to Helena’s Rugby-supporting Mafia father.

Cmon Bachie. Do your homework, find out what he’s interested in before you enter his home, then you can ask better questions. Like, how many men has he killed with his bare hands?

This date goes from bad to worse, when Bachie forgets that Helena spoke to him in French on the red carpet. She takes this as a sign he doesn’t care about her at all and proceeds to end the whole thing. Then change her mind back. Then end it again. Then maybe change her mind again.

Wow, guys. I am exhausted. At this point we’re not sure Helena will even show up to the Rose Ceremony.

Bachie says goodbye to Emma at the rose ceremony and we’re not sure if he would have if Helena didn’t apologise

Helena waltzes in at the last second and pulls Matt aside to apologise for being hysterical on her home town date. That might sound hyperbolic but it’s actually quite on the mark.

Anyway, after her apology Matt sends Emma home and the girls are left wondering whether that would have been the case if Helena hadn’t grabbed Bachie for a swift chat.

TBH I think he still would have sent Emma home because her feelings are just way too intense and if he took her along any longer then chose Chelsie it would hurt her too much. She needs to be home with her doggos, poor love.

Can you believe next week is the final?! Who do you think he will pick?

I’m still #teamChelsie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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