The Bachelorette Recap: Week 1

Season 5 of the Bachelorette has kicked off this week and I think we might have our best Bachelorette yet.

Angie Kent has been on our screens before as the couch potato with a million doggos on Gogglebox, and also had a stint on I’m a Celebrity earlier this year. Now she is looking for lurve.

This young lady is an absolute fire cracker. Armed with years of reeling off other Bachie experiences, we have already seen Angie giving some of the best commentary the Bachie universe has ever SEEN. Needless to say, I am keen bean for this season (also for the all the household hotties AM I RIGHT LADIES.)

First, let’s go through the best and worst of this season’s talent:

TimmTimm, 27

Timm arrived with a big ol’ bunch of Sunflowers and sent Angie’s ovaries into overdrive.

This guy is a bit loose, definitely taken a few too many barrel rolls to the head. But he seems to really like Angie, have some gold nuggets of wisdom – and he is officially my favourite unofficial episode narrator.

We LOVE Timm.
Image source: Network 10

Jackson

Jackson, 25

Jackson has THE strongest jawline I’ve ever seen.

Jackson introduced himself with a meat pie, showing off his family’s business to Angie – a vegetarian coeliac.

When she broke the news to him, he all but threw the pie and his family inheritance into the bushes.

We LOVE Jackson.
Image source: Network 10

Kayde

Kayde, 25

Question; What do Kayde and Zac Effron have in common?

Answer: Absolutely nothing.

This bloke’s got tickets on himself and we’re not sure why. Maybe he will change our minds. Until then…

We TOLERATE Kayde.
Image source: Network 10


Matt
Matt, 27

This little hoon arrived on a BMX, opening with the one liner, ‘Geez, that was a long ride from my place!’ – I mean, what’s not to love already?

With the cutest little dimples and what seems to be quite the budding career outside of this show, BMX Bandit might be one to watch in Angie’s journey to love.

We LOVE Matt.
Image source: Network 10

Jess

Jess, 36

Sleazebag of the year goes to this guy.

We’re gonna talk about him shortly but until then I will just say Noosa, I am sorry.

 

We LOATHE Jess
Image source: Network 10

 

Carlin

Carlin, 30

The Perfect Man does not exi…

 

 

We LOVE Carlin
Image source: Network 10

 

Ciarran, 25Ciarran

I reeeeeeeaaaally didn’t wanna like this guy.

But I have to say I don’t mind him. He’s a little bit cocky, but seems to own it. He hasn’t seemed to ruffle any feathers as yet, and his accent is fun to listen to.

Let’s see where this goes.

We ARE UNSURE ABOUT Ciarran.
Image source: Network 10

 

JamieJamie, 39

Jamie REALLY wants you to know he is a firefighter.

He also believes he and Angie have a spiritual connection after approximately 37 seconds together. I’m not even sure what that means to be quite honest.

This guy is very passionate, but it might be a bit much.

We ARE A LITTLE BIT SCARED OF Jamie.
Image source: Network 10

Now let’s get down to business!

THURSDAY

Carlin, perfect man and winner of the 24 hour date drops a lil bombshell on Angie
Everyone has a past and that is totes fine. But poor Carlin put a ring on it a few years back and it didn’t work out…oh and the divorce isn’t finalised.

While Angie was worried this experience might have been a butterfly-leaving-the-shackled-cocoon opportunity for Carlin, we think he is genuinely there for the right reasons. She gives him a rose and then they get tickets to PASH CITY.

It’s PHOTOSHOOT DAY! The most cooked date of the season, and this one delivers in spades
Angie has chosen an animal theme for the photo shoot, which is hilarious and most of the guys get around the silly costumes. Special mention to Timm for his all-in attitude dressed as a demonic-lobster.

But not everyone shared the team player attitude. Namely, Wazza AKA The Giant Man Baby.

Wazza was dressed as a chicken. Wazza didn’t want to be a chicken. All the blokes had a laugh about Wazza the Chicken (INCLUDING A GUY DRESSED AS A FREAKIN PIG, YOU GUYS). Wazza threw all his toys out the cot and stormed off, back to the mansion to pack his bags and leave.

Now let’s talk about Jess
Jess is a lot of things. A Queenslander, a public servant, and a horse’s arse. And I mean this literally – he was the back end of a horse for this photoshoot – and figuratively – because he’s a douchebag.

In just two episodes, Jess has managed to rub viewers, the men and Angie up the wrong way. He comes across as slimy, smarmy and quite frankly – disgusting.

His behaviour in the photoshoot towards Angie was more than sleazy – it was crude, disturbing and just all kinds of wrong. We saw Angie do what all women have done in this situation; she gave Jess the benefit of the doubt, tried to disarm his comments as lighthearted banter, and then get as far away from him as she possibly could.

Difficult to do in this setting, especially when you are asked to specifically SIT. ON. THIS. GROSS. GUY. for a photo. No thanks.

The only good thing to come out of this foul human’s airtime, was the fact we saw several – if not all of the other men stand up against Jess’s spew-inducing behaviour, with Carlin even going straight to Angie to tell her what he’d been doing and saying not just around her and the other guys, but also to other female members of the crew.

When Angie approaches him for the feminist throw down of the year, Jess’ response is more or less ‘you asked for it.’ DISGUSTING.

But HOO BOY. Our gal let him HAVE IT. While this guy might have been a producer’s dream, he was clearly a nightmare for everyone else involved, and we’re glad Angie gave him the boot straight away, instead of keeping him and his alarming behaviour around for the sake of good content.

GOOD RIDDANCE JESS, YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED.

Now that the bad smell is gone from the mansion, Angie can get back to her journey for love.

Can’t wait for next week!

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