This week we were promised a real doozie in the promos.
A BACHIE STORM OUT so dramatic it could match the work of Shakespeare.
Instead we got the equivalent of my 8 year old cousin’s school play. There’s a lot of commotion but not much is really happening, and one kid won’t stop crying. Welcome to Week 2 ladies and gentlemen.
This week was just so bland, apart from a few key moments.
I still don’t know everyone’s names, and we managed to weed out a few of the less memorable contenders so that makes life easier.
Farm girl Elly uses her Golden Ticket to see Bachie Matt’s Melbourne
Ok this was a really boring date. Also – I have a bone to pick.
This ‘Golden Ticket’ was promoted like a romantic getaway to see the sites of Melbourne. The shopping, the food, the coffee, oh my.
Instead, Elly got whisked to Flemington Racecourse in the off-season to ride on some smelly horses (which as the token farm girl she’s probably pretty used to), meet Bachie’s Grandma and play with some silverware.
The cheese platter couch was also freighted down to Melbourne so they had somewhere to have a cheeky pash. Elly remains a front runner but I fear she’ll have her heart broken.
Nichole goes into fit of jealous rage over her (alleged) doppleganger Monique and it’s very Jan and Marsha Brady vibes
Monique stole Bachie away to show him her lady garden scavenger hunt of things she likes so he could get to know her better.
He returns the favour by handing her an envelope for the next single date, along with a rose.
Nichole throws all her toys out the cot because Monique is ‘Just a blonde b***h with a tan!’ and really…that’s kind of it? Were you lost? I definitely was.
Three girls we’ve never seen before leave the mansion to sign their YouFoodz contracts.
See you on my feed in 3 months, gals xoxo
Monique gets her single date in a red car and a very small plane
Honestly you guys, this Bachie is probably the most childlike Bachelor we’ve ever seen. DID YOU SEE HIS FACE WHEN HE GOT TO DRIVE THE BIG RED CAR?
Omg. I just want to hug him he’s too cute.
Anyway, Monique and Bachie have a very adrenaline-seeking date, then sit down at the wine and cheese couch and it becomes very clear to me that Monique is a woman very out of Bachie’s league.
I am getting ‘I-only-date-footballers’ vibes, and tbh I think Bachie is too, that’s why he swooped in for the big SMOOCH and it pays off. Will this pairing last the distance? I’m not too sure.
PHOTOSHOOT Group date! One of the most cooked dates of the show
We love the Photoshoot date because it’s where the claws REALLY come out.
To be honest this one didn’t really seem to have a theme, just a lot of ladies almost-pashing bachie.
Including, Abbie the Gemini AKA SAUCY MINX. Wowee.
In a photo styling of Anthony and Cleopatra where she was the maid-with-the-fan…Abbie stole the show.
The sexual tension between her and Bachie could be felt through my screen, you guys. It was a lot to watch.
Bachie and Abbie the Gemini mack-on like it’s 3am on a Saturday night at the Precinct
I mean…what more can I say? Limbs were flying. Lipstick everywhere.
This was, I should mention – at the Cocktail Party. Now I am pretty sure it’s a bit of an unspoken rule that ya don’t mack on with the pretty ladies at the cocktail party.
It’s poor form. It breaks the ‘girl-code’. It leaves your make-up a right mess Abbie, dammit!
But when Bachie has his smart man glasses on I guess it’s hard to say no.
Another lady that I’m sure has a great personality goes home
She will be missed by someone. (maybe).
WE STILL DON’T GET THE BLOODY BACHIE WALK-OFF.
I MEAN COME ON.
Fingers crossed for next week though right?